Even Exchange
by anissaannalise
Summary: Bryce tells Nicole he's sick and they have to deal with it. One shot. Bryce/Nicole Nyce-fic


**A/N:** I had to write this one because I found it completely unacceptable that Bryce telling Nicole he has cancer obviously happened off-screen. I'm still kinda WTH?! on that one but whatevs.

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"Oh." was the only response Nicole was able to muster after hearing Bryce tell her that he'd been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Part of her brain sort of shut off while he was explaining it all in a very clinical way. He said something about ratios of something to something else. She could only think that he looked healthy as she laid the calculator on the desk. He said something about survival ratios so many years out. No longer able to hold his gaze, she averted her eyes slightly and concentrated on the stitches in the collar of the grey tee he wore underneath his scrubs. She nodded now and again in an effort to acknowledge what he was saying. He said something about pathology aggression. She didn't understand why he was explaining it the way he was. As if he were telling it in a lecture hall. As if it were some abstract thing they were discussing. A theory. An instance. The weather. It just added to the surreal nature of the conversation for Nicole and all she could really focus on was him, in the moment. She forced herself to look him in the eye again but could only do so briefly and instead again settled on the collar of his tee shirt.

"Bryce, I'm so..." she began before being interrupted by Bryce's pager going off.

"I've gotta go, but Dr. B's the only other person who knows, so..."

"Oh yeah, of course. My lips are sealed." she assured him quickly and followed that with a smile that never quite reached her eyes.

He said something else and gave her a little smile.

She nodded, watched him walk away and tried to piece together what the last thing he'd just said to her was, but it was gone.

Nicole knew she'd never heard it whatever it was. She looked down at her hand in the big bag of graham crackers and saw that she'd crushed the one she'd been holding. The cellophane wrapper had split and graham cracker crumbs and pieces had spilt out. Throwing the destroyed crackers away, she dusted off her hands quickly, picked up the bag and went back to her search for more. She needed to round up forty-four more packages. And that task was all she could think about for the moment.

Later, she sat in her car replaying what he'd told her. Her tears fell freely and she couldn't help but marvel at the macabre nature of the situation, he'd unknowingly told her that the man she was in love with was dying. She wiped her tears with tissues she found in her glove compartment.

The rest of the day their non-work related interactions turned into a series of moments of Nicole trying to respond to what had been said and Bryce deflecting her. She gave up eventually and by the end of her shift she was duly annoyed. She barely said goodbye to Bryce as she gathered her things to leave for the evening.

"Hey, you okay?" Bryce asked, noticing that she seemed different.

"Yeah. Of Course. I've um... I've gotta go." she said quickly.

"Okay, guess I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Later."

Bryce watched her go and wondered if he'd done the right thing in telling her about his cancer. More than anything, he wanted everything to be the same as always. He didn't want her to treat him any differently or pity him. He was sure it was the most unbearable outcome and the one thing he couldn't deal with. It occurred to him that it'd been quite some time since he'd spent an evening alone. He and Nicole usually found themselves out together. Sometimes doing nothing in particular aside from enjoying each other's company. And other times there was a specific destination. Like when he'd accompanied her to meet Timothy from Sanctuary or she'd taken him to that sushi bar Little Tokyo to practice his conversational Japanese in real time. He hoped that her knowing about his cancer wouldn't make those times a thing of the past.

The next day was an eerie repeat of the day prior and both of them knew it. All their conversations were stilted and broken. Half finished, things unsaid and frustrating altogether. At some point they both seemed to silently agree to steer clear of one another. By the end of the day Nicole was annoyed and Bryce was tired.

They met up in the corridor.

"Done for the day?" Bryce asked Nicole as she passed the desk with her jacket in hand.

"Yeah."

"Me too. I'll walk out with you."

"Sounds good."

They walked together in awkward silence.

"So you never said anything really." Bryce said as they stood in the parking lot.

"About what?"

"About what I told you. The other day."

"Oh. I don't know, I mean what do you want me to say?" Nicole asked, not inclined to go through another round of Bryce heading her off.

"Say what you think. It's been weird not really talking to you."

"I don't think you really want to know what I think."

"Yeah, I really do."

"No, you don't. Because every time I try to start, you change the subject."

"Okay. Right here. Right now. You say whatever it is you've been wanting to say and I won't interrupt. I promise."

"Bryce, you told me that you're going to die."

"Well in all fairness, we're all going to die." he said with a smile, attempting to lighten the mood.

"That's not funny." Nicole frowned, annoyed that he was making a joke out of the situation.

"Sorry. Go ahead."

Nicole inhaled and the words tumbled out, "It was just.... I don't know. You were rattling off all these things like you were talking about someone else. But I've seen you with your patients and you're not like that. You're just not. And I wanted to say that I'm sorry and worried for you and ask what I can do for you and about a million other things that I can't think of this second."

"Everything's fine. I'm okay. Better than okay. You don't need to worry."

"But you'll forgive me if I care, right? Cause you seem to think either I shouldn't or am stupid to." she said wryly.

"I... yes, of course. I didn't mean to make it seem like I'm so cavalier about it or that you should just shrug it off. I just don't want to make a big deal of it. I'm sorry I've made you feel like that."

"Okay." Nicole said after a moment.

"So we're good?" Bryce asked, hoping to get a smile out of her.

"Of course we're good. You're still an idiot." she said, smiling.

"Well yeah, that hasn't changed."

They shared a laugh and both were glad for the passing of the last day's tension.

"So the calculator, it's a loan, not a gift. Okay?"

"Nicole, I want you to have it."

"No. I can't accept it then."

"Why not?"

"Because it means too much. It's really important to you. You can't give away a good luck charm. You can only lend them out." she said and shuffled through her bag.

"Fine. It's a loan then." he relented.

"Good. Then in the spirit of even trades... here." she said and held up a small rubber smurf.

"Brainy Smurf."

"He's good in a crisis and is a good listener. He knows things and I've told him to watch over you." she explained earnestly.

"Sounds like an even trade. Thanks, Nicole."

"So what are we doing tonight? Pier? Pancakes? Or something completely random?"

Bryce smiled glad that things were back to normal between them.


End file.
